Prologue
Andrew watched from a distance as Monica sat on the beach, staring out at the ocean apparently deep in thought. It had been a while since he’d seen his dearest friend, assignments taking up most of his time over the past couple of weeks giving him no time to see his friends until now, when the Father had granted him a couple days vacation. Taking a deep breath he walked toward the young Irish angel, sitting down on the sand beside her without saying a word, turning his gaze to the ocean and enjoying its peacefulness. For a long moment Monica didn’t speak, and when she did her voice sounded small and lost. “I don’t want to go back, Andrew.”
The older angel closed his eyes momentarily; he knew her feelings about returning to casework after what had happened in Whisper. Since that assignment had finished just over a month ago, Monica had not been able to go back to work, traumatized as she was by her capture and torture by the demons. She’d spent the time since then staying at a small house near the ocean, in a quiet location away from any humans, and where Tess and Andrew had also been staying. But while they’d been called back to doing assignments after a couple of weeks, Monica was still on an extended period of leave until she was able to return to the job she loved.
And Andrew understood her fears. “You don’t have to go back yet. The Father says you can stay here as long as you need to.” Monica turned to him then, and the sorrow etched in her soft brown eyes almost broke his heart. “No... I don’t want to go back, ever. I-I can’t do this, Andrew. Not after...” Her voice lowered to barely more than a whisper. “Not after what happened to me.”
The finality in the young angel’s voice took Andrew by surprise and he took a moment before he could reply, feeling a need to choose his words carefully as he took her smaller hand in his. “Monica, you will get past this. Trust me; I’ve been through this and yes, it’s hard. But with the Father’s help, you will be able to move on. I promise. And Tess and I are here for you, you know that.”
“Didn’t you ever feel like... like it was all too much? After it happened to you?”
Andrew sighed deeply, growing more concerned by the minute at the state of depression that his friend seemed to be in. When he’d last seen her she’d been quiet, as she’d been since first arriving at the beach house. But her mood seemed to have changed since then, and he now understood the deep worry he’d seen on Tess’ face when he’d arrived back at the house early that afternoon.
In answer to Monica’s question, he nodded. “Sometimes, yes. I had nightmares for weeks afterward, and there were times when I wondered how I’d ever manage casework again. But I never thought about quitting...” His words trailed off as he looked at her, trying to read the unfathomable depths of her eyes, trying to understand this apparent change of heart that his dearest friend was now having. But during her silence, as he studied her, he wondered if perhaps these feelings had been there ever since the end of the Whisper assignment, but only now made known to him.
Andrew’s heart sank when Monica dropped her gaze, apparently unable to face him any longer. She turned back to stare at the ocean and he knew how the waves had always had a calming effect on her. It seemed as though there was a gulf between them now, wider than the ocean that stretched out in front of them, and as Andrew looked up at the storm clouds gathering above he suddenly realized that they were facing a storm of their own, one that would be extremely difficult to overcome.
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Chapter One
Andrew walked into the beach house and into the living room, where Tess was sitting in an armchair by the window, reading a book. She looked up when she heard him enter, and saw the distress on his face as he sank down heavily onto the couch, running a hand through his shoulder-length blond hair.
“What happened, baby? Where’s Monica?”
Andrew looked up to meet her gaze, and sighed. “She wanted to stay out on the beach... did you know she doesn’t want to go back to casework?” His voice held no tone of accusation, just weariness and concern.
“She hasn’t talked to me much over the past week, but... well, I sensed something like this was coming. I’ve tried to talk to her, but she just seems to want to be alone. I thought she was making progress, but now...” Tess shook her head sorrowfully. “Did she say much to you?”
“No, not much. Just that she didn’t want to ever go back to casework. You know, I’ve got a bad feeling about this, Tess. It’s more than just a fear of returning to her assignments... which I’d expected. But this, this is more serious than that. It’s as if she’s giving up, Tess.”
The older angel nodded. “Angel Boy, we’ve got a difficult task ahead of us. We have to get our baby girl back to casework, and if she’s so determined not to do it, we’ve got to find a way to get through to her. I know she’s afraid, and she has good reason to be after what she went through.” Tess hesitated, turning to glance out the window toward the beach. “She’s such a sensitive little Angel, I don’t know why I didn’t see this coming... I suppose I never wanted to believe that the assignment in Whisper could affect my Angel Girl this badly.”
Andrew got up from his seat and moved to sit on the arm of the chair, putting his arm around Tess’ shoulders. “You can’t blame yourself, Tess. We’ve both been here with her, and neither of us saw the signs. But I refuse to believe that it’s too late to help her.” He paused for a moment. “We survived Whisper- we can survive this, too.”
Tess nodded solemnly. “I hope so, baby. I hope so.”
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Chapter Two
The sun was beginning to set when Andrew decided to go out and look for Monica, who still hadn’t come back to the beach house. It had begun to rain lightly, but he found her in the same place on the beach where he’d left her a couple of hours before, still sitting on the sand staring at the ocean. The evening had turned chilly, normal for early spring, and Andrew draped the blanket he’d brought with him around the younger angel’s shoulders as he knelt down beside her. “Hey... you planning on spending the night here?” He kept his tone light, but the smile she offered him in reply didn’t reach her eyes, which held a haunted look. “I didn’t realize the time...”
Andrew stood and helped Monica to her feet. “It’s after five. You’ve been out here a long time, Monica, and you’re cold.” He felt the coldness of her hands, and the way she shivered despite the blanket that he pulled tighter around her. “Come on, let’s get back to the house. Tess was worried about you... so was I.” However, Monica didn’t seem to notice his concern, still lost in some distant emotional state that made her seem hard to reach.
The walk back to the house was in silence, and when they walked through the door Tess greeted them happily, but her smile faded at the expressions on the faces of her two ‘Angel Babies’. She could tell straight away that things were not right between them, and that saddened her because she knew how close they’d always been, despite the rather rocky start to their friendship when they’d first met. But, like Andrew, she was determined to try her best to fix whatever was wrong with her young charge.
“I’ve missed you, baby. You’ve been gone for most of the afternoon.” Tess held out her arms and embraced Monica in a hug, but although the young angel returned the gesture, there seemed to be an emptiness about her, a silence that was so unlike the angel Tess knew and loved. She took a step back, looking into Monica’s eyes and frightened by the sorrow she saw there, even though she’d been seeing it now for quite a few days.
“You’re shivering, baby. Why don’t you go sit down, and I’ll make you a mug of coffee?” Monica nodded silently and retreated to the living room, leaving Tess glad that at least her young charge hadn’t disappeared to her room as she seemed to want to spend time alone lately. Exchanging a worried glance with Andrew, she shrugged her shoulders. “Go sit with her, Angel Boy. I’ll be on through once I’ve made us all something to drink.”
Andrew nodded. “Tess... this will be okay. It has to be.” Tess nodded and walked off into the kitchen as the blond angel remained where he was for a moment, a multitude of thoughts running through his head, none of which he could make sense of, at least not right now. He walked into the living room, finding Monica sitting on the couch, arms wrapped around her body, and he could tell she was shivering. Grabbing another blanket from the back of the couch he draped that around her too, frowning. “Are you okay, Monica? It’s a cool evening now, but... you seem to be freezing cold. You’re not coming down with something, are you?” He reached a hand to her forehead but she didn’t have a temperature.
“I-I just find it hard to get warm sometimes, Andrew.” Her matter of fact voice only added to Andrew’s concern as he lit a fire in the hearth and sat down beside her, taking her hands in his and rubbing them gently. He suddenly noticed how thin her hands felt and as he looked at her again, realization dawned on him. “How long haven’t you been eating?”
Startled by the question, Monica briefly looked up at him before averting her gaze again, leaving Andrew wondering why she seemed to have so much difficulty in meeting his gaze, something she’d never had problems with before. Whatever had happened in the past week, it had changed her from the angel he’d known before this. “I just don’t feel very hungry.”
Frowning, Andrew lifted a hand to her chin, turning her head gently so she could face him. Whether she wanted to or not, he wanted to see her face. “Does Tess know you’re not eating?” When she started to look away he shook his head. “Don’t turn away, Monica. Please.” The younger angel sighed and continued to look at him, although Andrew could tell that it was hard for her. “She hasn’t been here much, she’s had assignments.”
Andrew closed his eyes briefly, not at all liking the situation his dear friend had gotten herself into. He was beginning to realize that her mood had changed since he and Tess had returned to their assignments, when Monica had been left alone for long periods at the beach house while he or Tess, or sometimes both of them, were away for hours or sometimes days at a time. The Father had decided when they should return to work and of course they hadn’t questioned it, but both he and Tess had thought that Monica had been improving and if either of them had had any doubts about leaving her, they would have asked the Father for more time.
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Chapter Three
Tess walked into the living room carrying a tray containing three steaming mugs of coffee, which she placed on the coffee table. As she sat down in the armchair across from where Andrew and Monica were sitting, she smiled warmly at her young charge. “There you go, baby. Now you drink that, and it’ll warm you up.” Monica nodded and managed a small smile as Andrew handed her a mug, taking one for himself.
For a few moments there was silence in the room, before Tess spoke up. “Baby... now that the three of us are together, I think there’s some things we have to discuss.” She paused to set down her mug, watching the youngest angel carefully. “I know that Andrew and I haven’t been here very much over the past week, but we both have a couple days off so we can spend that time with you. I’m sorry you’ve had to be on your own, baby, and if we could have avoided that, we would. But you know how assignments are.”
Monica nodded, looking from Tess to Andrew warily, as if unsure what, if anything, to say. But finally she spoke. “It’s... been lonely here, without anyone to talk to. I’ve spent a lot of time out on the beach... just thinking.”
Andrew let out a breath, knowing exactly what Monica had been thinking about, and hating that she’d been alone when it was now painfully obvious that she wasn’t anywhere near as healed as he and Tess had both thought. “Monica... I know what you’re going through. I understand, you know? I’ve been through it. But you can’t let this beat you. The last thing you should be doing is bottling up your feelings- you need to talk about it. And we’re both here now, to listen.”
Monica took another sip of her coffee, and Andrew noticed that she’d hardly drank any of it, despite her love of the drink which bordered on addiction. She was quiet for a long moment, and neither Tess nor Andrew spoke, both knowing they couldn’t push the younger angel.
“I... I don’t really know what to say. It’s difficult to put into words...” She looked up at Andrew then, and for a brief moment he saw a pleading look in her eyes, but it was quickly replaced by the sorrow that he’d seen earlier. He sighed inwardly, wondering just what it would take for Monica to open up to him or Tess now. But suddenly Monica put down her mug and got to her feet. “I’m tired... I think I’ll go to bed.”
“Angel Girl...” Tess reached out to her young charge as she hurried past, but the little Irish angel didn’t reply or even acknowledge that her supervisor had spoken. She left the room and moments later the two older angels heard Monica’s bedroom door close, and Tess shook her head sorrowfully. “Angel Boy, I just don’t know what to do. I don’t understand what’s changed... I really thought she was making progress up until last week.”
Andrew frowned. “How often have you seen Monica since you went back to casework? I know I’ve been gone for most of this week, but when I saw her last week, she didn’t seem this bad.”
“I’ve been back mostly at nights this week, and to tell you the truth, Monica’s usually already in bed by the time I get back, so I haven’t seen that much of her, just for a few minutes in the mornings. I have tried to talk to her, but she seems to be so closed off lately.” She sighed. “Have we missed something, Angel Boy?”
Andrew ran a hand through his hair. “You know, I think she was doing okay, until we went back to our assignments. And the time alone, without our company to take her mind off things, has given her a lot of time to relive old memories. And believe me, the memories she has are not the sort of ones you want to be on your own with.” He sighed heavily. “Do you know she hasn’t been eating properly?”
Tess was surprised at this. “No... like I said, she was always in bed by the time I got back here, and in the mornings she just had her coffee, that’s if she wasn’t already out on the beach. She’s spent a lot of time there, but I thought it was doing her good, even though I did miss talking to her. That little Angel has always found the ocean so peaceful. If I’d have known...” She looked up at Andrew worriedly. “She’s not sick, is she?”
“No, I don’t think so. Although, she might end up that way, if she doesn’t start taking better care of herself. I can see what’s happening to her, and I know that she has to pull herself out of it, to get past those bad memories, if she’s to move on from this.” His gaze drifted to something only he could see as he continued. “It took me a long while to come to terms with what happened in Bullwater...”
“But you made it, Angel Boy. You had the support of your supervisor, and you were strong.” Tess hesitated, watching him. “It still haunts you sometimes, doesn’t it?”
He nodded. “I don’t think I’ll ever forget it- I don’t think you can, not something like that. But... it’s a distant memory now, you know? Until our assignment in Whisper, I’d got to the point where I hardly ever thought about it, and when I did, it didn’t hurt as much as it used to. But having to go through all that again with Monica... it kinda brought it all back. And, in some ways, it’s still there.”
Andrew looked up from his reverie to realize that Tess was now sitting beside him, a comforting hand placed on his arm. “I’m sorry that you had to go through it again, baby. Even though it wasn’t you this time, it was Monica... and that baby girl’s so close to you that there wasn’t much difference.”
“Except for the pain... the physical pain. I couldn’t feel that again, but I know exactly what Monica would have gone through. And she’s so sensitive, Tess... so gentle hearted... it could have easily broken her. And, after I rescued her, seeing her like that...” Andrew’s voice trailed off as he remembered seeing Monica’s battered, broken body, the pain and fear in her eyes. He swallowed hard. “I should have known this would haunt her. I mean, since we’ve been her with her she’s talked to us, come to us when she’d had nightmares, even laughed with us at times. But deep down she was hurting so badly, Tess- and it’s only now that we’re really seeing just what effect this has had on her.”
“I know, baby... and I also know that the Father knew what He was doing when He sent us back on assignments- now, you may be thinking that it was too early, and that He should have known better. But, remember, the Father’s plan is always perfect. And if we hadn’t left Monica for these past couple of weeks, then we might never have seen just how badly our baby girl was hurting. But now we know- so now we can begin to help her.”
Andrew nodded slowly. “I-I see that, Tess, but...” He sighed heavily. “I’ve only got a couple days off, after that I’ll probably be called back on assignment. And the same goes for you. So how can we help Monica if we’re not here for her?”
“Well, we have to make sure that we do everything we can in the next couple of days to get through to her, whether she wants it or not. We can’t push her too much- you know as well as I do that she has a tendency to react badly if she feels threatened in any way, and the last thing we want is her running off somewhere. But equally we can’t let her get any further away from us by staying silent. It’s a fine line we have to walk, Angel Boy, but we have to be the ones to help her.”
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Chapter Four
Andrew lay in bed staring out the window at the rainy night, unable to sleep. He’d checked in on Monica before going to his room, finding her sound asleep in her bed, the nightlight on her bedside table turned down low- she never did like the dark, and he knew that if she woke up during the night the last thing she wanted to see was darkness.
He turned his gaze to the ceiling. “Father... please, help Tess and I to help Monica. I realize now that Your asking us to go back to assignments was to enable us to see what was happening to her- but I’m worried that we won’t have enough time to get through to her. I can’t explain it, but... I just have a bad feeling about this, Father... and I don’t want to lose her. I know that’s not what You want, either. So... please, help us... I miss who Monica used to be, her childlike wonder, her constant joy... she used to light up the world, Father... and I don’t want to believe that I’ll never see that again. I need to see it.”
Tears had begun to fall down Andrew’s cheeks during his prayer, but he made no attempt to wipe them away, barely even aware of their presence. As he waited for an answer to his prayer, he soon found that instead of the gentle voice of the Father floating down to his heart, he heard Monica, but not with his ears- it was almost as if she were speaking to his heart, but in feelings, not words.
And she was afraid.
Unsure what was going on, Andrew got out of bed and made his way to Monica’s room, opening the door carefully. And he immediately saw the younger angel thrashing about on her bed, engrossed in a nightmare that Andrew could easily guess the contents of. In an instant he was sitting on the bed by her side, taking her hand in his and stroking her hair gently, soothingly, talking to her softly until finally the nightmare subsided and she fell into a more peaceful sleep, although she never awoke and was probably unaware of his presence, at least consciously.
Frowning, Andrew continued to watch his friend for a while, still stroking her hair, wondering what it would take to rid this sweet, innocent angel from her nightmares once and for all. He knew this wasn’t her first nightmare, and it wouldn’t be her last, although he would give everything he had to ensure she never had to relive her captivity and torture ever again.
Leaning down, Andrew placed a soft kiss on Monica’s forehead as he smiled at her tenderly. “I love you, sweet Angel Girl.” His voice was just a whisper, he didn’t want to wake her from much-needed sleep. Reluctantly he stood up, taking one last look at her before leaving the room, closing the door quietly.
It was only once Andrew got back to his own bed that he stopped to wonder how he could have possibly known that Monica was having a nightmare, because she hadn’t made any sound that he could have heard. There was only the feeling he’d had before going to her room.
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Chapter Five
Tess busied herself in the kitchen making pancakes and trying to keep her mind off the worries she had about her young charge, an impossible task because she loved the young Irish angel far too much to be able to not worry about her. But for right now, there was nothing she could do. She’d slept peacefully but awoken early with the sun, and realizing she couldn’t get back to sleep because of her worries, had decided to get up instead.
Besides, she knew that Andrew would be hungry when he woke, so making breakfast seemed like a good idea- she needed to feel like she mattered, that she could make a difference, despite her failure to realize what was going on with Monica. She knew she shouldn’t feel guilty- and the Father and Andrew had told her much the same- but still, she couldn’t help it.
“Something smells good.”
Tess looked up from the stove as Andrew walked into the kitchen, looking tired but cheery, although she could see the worry in his eyes. “You look tired, baby- didn’t you sleep well last night?” The two angels hugged then Andrew leaned against the counter. “No... not really. Monica had a nightmare early on, and after that... I kinda slept on and off. Too much on my mind.”
Tess nodded understandingly. “Monica had a nightmare? I didn’t hear anything.”
“Well, she... I managed to calm her down pretty quickly.” Andrew was reluctant to explain just how he’d known Monica needed him, when he couldn’t explain it himself. Of course, he’d asked the Father about it, but hadn’t yet received an answer. Lost in thought, Andrew suddenly realized that his attitude was probably worrying Tess more, and one look at her confused expression confirmed his fears. Moving to her side, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I’m sorry, Tess. I had a bad night, that’s all.”
Tess nodded and managed a small smile. “It’s okay, baby. Things are difficult right now.”
“Yes, they are. But that doesn’t mean things have to get awkward between the two of us.” He squeezed her shoulders and they exchanged a friendly smile, all awkwardness between them now gone. Andrew didn’t like keeping things from Tess, but the feelings he had about what had happened last night were confusing for him, and he didn’t want to discuss them until he understood what they meant. Not to mention, Tess had enough on her plate worrying about Monica.
Indicating the stove, Andrew smiled. “I hope you made plenty, Tess, cause the smell’s making me hungry.” The older angel laughed. “Oh, don’t worry, Angel Boy. I made enough- I know your appetite well enough by now.” Andrew chuckled. “Is Monica awake yet?”
Tess nodded, her smile fading. “Yes- but I don’t think she’ll be joining us, baby. When I got up she’d already left... she’s out on the beach again.” Andrew frowned and moved to the living room window where sure enough, he could see the small figure of Monica far off in the distance, sitting on the beach apparently just looking out at the ocean as she had done the day before. For a long moment Andrew just watched her, trying to understand her feelings, trying to work out how to reach her. Yes, he’d suffered the same as her, many decades ago, and yes, he’d had problems overcoming the ordeal once he was rescued. But he never closed himself off from his friends like that...
“Breakfast is ready, baby.”
When Andrew didn’t respond, Tess moved to his side, following his gaze out toward the beach. “She seems a long way away from us, doesn’t she.” It was more of a statement than a question, but Andrew nodded anyway. “I just don’t know how to reach her, Tess. I mean...” He sighed heavily. “I don’t know what’s changed since I last saw her, but it’s as if she doesn’t want to be near me. Yesterday... I tried to talk to her but it was obvious she just wanted to be alone.”
Andrew finally tore his gaze away from the window to face the older angel, seeing the deep compassion in her eyes. “I don’t want to lose her, Tess.”
“And you won’t, baby. What the two of you have is too strong a bond to be broken easily. Now, that baby girl’s hurting, and it may seem as if she doesn’t want to be with you, but she’s just confused. Talk to her again- don’t give up on her. That would be the worst thing you could do right now.”
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Chapter Six
Andrew had an air of sadness about him as he walked along the beach to where Monica sat, unaware as yet of his presence. Although he understood what Tess had told him before breakfast, he couldn’t ignore the feeling deep in his heart that somehow helping his friend wouldn’t be as easy as Tess thought. True, they had weathered storms before, but this... this was different. What Monica had gone through was terrible, like nothing she’d ever experienced before. And he understood all too well, having been through the same thing himself. And he also understood how easily it could damage someone’s soul- especially someone as gentle-hearted as Monica.
As he approached, Monica must have heard him for she turned and saw him, but there was no welcome in her expression, no indication that she was pleased to see him. The smile she always reserved for him was no longer there, and Andrew suddenly felt that she seemed almost like a different angel... a stranger to him. “Monica...”
“What are you doing here, Andrew?”
The older angel breathed out heavily, suddenly wishing he’d stayed at the house, for he certainly didn’t feel welcome here. “I... I came to talk to you. We need to find a way for you to work past your problems, so you can return to casework.”
Her usually soft brown eyes flashed angrily up at him. “I said I didn’t want to go back, Andrew.”
“I know that. But, I also know how much you love casework, and I know that what you went through...” He sighed. “What happened to you was terrible, Monica, I know. And I think that the fear you’re still feeling is preventing you from seeing that you still want to be a caseworker.”
Monica sighed. “I appreciate your concern, Andrew, but...”
“You appreciate my concern? Monica, this... this isn’t something that I can just walk away from! You’re thinking of quitting, and I’m not going to sit here and let you do that! I can’t!”
Shocked at his anger, Monica got to her feet. “I don’t want your help, Andrew! This is my problem- I have to find a way to deal with these feelings. And if I don’t want to be a caseworker anymore then I am sorry if you don’t agree but it’s my decision.” And then the little Irish angel walked away, leaving Andrew speechless.
Still angry, Andrew could only watch as his dearest friend walked away from him, never once turning back, nor slowing her pace. And for the first time, Andrew realized that his friendship with Monica wasn’t as secure as he’d always believed. It was going to take a miracle for them to regain the closeness they’d once shared, but Andrew was so hurt, so angry, that he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to try.
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Chapter Seven
Tess watched through the window sadly as she saw the interchange between her two ‘Angel Babies’. She had really thought that Andrew, of all angels, would have been able to reach her young charge- after all, the two of them had always been close. But after seeing what was obviously an argument between the two of them, she had felt tears stinging her eyes at the realization that whatever Monica was going through, it was going to be near impossible to help her.
So now Tess could only watch as Andrew walked back toward the house, hands in his pockets and his head lowered. She felt badly for him, the pain radiating from him was all too clearly visible. Knowing that at least she could comfort one of her dear friends, she walked out of the house to meet him outside. “Angel Boy...” But to her surprise, and sorrow, Andrew didn’t go to her, but instead just looked up at her with an expression of such deep sorrow that she’d never seen in him before.
“I give up, Tess. I can’t do this anymore... I’ve asked the Father to put me back on assignments as of tomorrow.”
Tess looked up, shocked. “What? But what about Monica?”
“Well, you know, Monica can take care of herself. At least that’s what she’s been telling me ever since I tried to help her. So, I figure, why stay around when I’m obviously not wanted?” He turned to look at the stormy ocean, at the beach he’d begun to hate.
“Angel Boy... that baby girl needs you. Even if she doesn’t act like it...”
“Save it, Tess. I’m sorry, but...” Andrew sighed. “I’ve tried, and I’ve tried, but I can’t get through to her. And it’s hurting me so much to have her push me away every time I try and help her. I’ve done all I can, and...” He lowered his voice. “And now it’s time to move on.”
“Baby, you can’t mean that!” Tess took a step toward him, reaching out her hand, but the blond angel just shook his head. “Don’t, Tess... please. This is hard enough for me...” He finally met the older angel’s gaze. “I’ll be leaving in the morning.” And then he walked into the house, leaving Tess alone.